I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
