I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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