She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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