he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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