I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
