i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
