we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
