physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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