My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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