This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
