just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
