Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
