I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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