I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
