peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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