it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
