I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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