You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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