OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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