By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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