They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
