Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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