I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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