you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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