My first STD was from a foam party
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
