If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
