youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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