You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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