I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
