White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just had sex bonerless
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
