i need an iv and a liver transplant
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
