...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
