My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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