Pants 0. Shit 1.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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