I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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