I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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