Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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