In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
