I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
