Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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