Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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