Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize