I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
