Non-Jews are for practice
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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