I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
