My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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