i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
