We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
