Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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