Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
