Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
