i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
