Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
