I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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