She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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