This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
