how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
