And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
