Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
