People with herpes should wear stickers.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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