Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
barbara walters just said penis...
this beer tastes like vomit already
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
