i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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