But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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