Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
