Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
