my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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