She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
