somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
