I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
